So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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