just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
