At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
