Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize