I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
