The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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