im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
