One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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