and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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