Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
