Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
