And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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