Tell her she can't have a vagina
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
