The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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