Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I checked into jail on foursquare
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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