Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
