At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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