she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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