hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
