Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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