remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
