I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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