Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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