well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
