I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
