I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
