Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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