I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
