Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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