Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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