You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
