i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
