i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
