You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
