he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize