if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
