Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
