Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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