So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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