sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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