we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
