I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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