Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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