i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
