I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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