Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
