From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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