I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
