I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
