Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
