Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
