so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
