I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
