I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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