If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
