my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
