You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
