I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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