He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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