This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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