I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
