So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
