I hate your face
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
