after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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