I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
