i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
