Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My penis needs a shock collar
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
