Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
